Borderlands 2: Rare Misfortunes
by Dawn Of Oblivion
Summary: Shit happens on Pandora. Being the greatest Vault Hunters doesn't change that. From Loot thieving to unfair kills, from things that don't blow the fuck up to things will blow your shit up, these are the rare misfortunes of Vault Hunting on Pandora. Just make sure you bring your friends.


**Borderlands 2: Rare Misfortune**

**Loot Thief**

"It's my fucking gun!"

These four words have been echoing with the group since the day the eye-stealing bullymong, Knuckledragger, dropped a Twin Hornet. These are also the words that, when heard, signify a potential duel or an explosive filled argument.

The later being, very literally, an argument that whenever an insult is made, on must 'bleep-it-out' with an explosion. (THAT WAS TORGUE'S IDEA!)

"It's my fucking gun, Axton!" Gaige yelled.

The group already teleported back to Sanctuary after finishing an easy mission in the Outlands. The thresher Old Slappy didn't stand a chance to Maya's Maliwan Slag SMGs along with Gaige's barrage of anarchy-scattered shotgun pellets. Eventually, one pellet finally hit Slappy's eye and its head exploded in a scene of thresher guts and blood that sprayed all over the water march they fought on.

Guts and blood had found a certain assassin's helmet, and Zero was already dashing somewhere to clean the remnants of Slappy's brain off his visor.

Axton merely scoffed, hands behind his head in a relax fashion, casually walking away from the teleport station as the high-schooler bickered at him. She continued to scream and demand her prize that Slappy had given them. Her Anarchy was at full power, and it was already clearly taken its effect on her sanity.

"Remember that time when I said you owed me one for saving your ass back in Sawtooth Cauldron?" Axton asked.

Gaige replied with a confused look. She knew waht he was referring to, and to this day she still hisses at the sight of buzzards. "You said you were 'implying it.'" She answered, her real fingers and robotic fingers making the quotation marks sign.

"Yep, and this brand new Texan Striker," He held up the unique Jakobs shotgun with joy, "is you owing me."

Gaige growled and swiped at the glorious gun. Axton merely lifted his hand up two inches and was now out of Gaige's grasp entirely. The short teen jumped and begged for the gun in a violent yet pathetic matter, and Salvador and Maya watched as a scene they were use to witnessing occurred again.

"Axton, the Striker is better suited for Gaige anyway, why do you want it?" Maya intervened, only caring to add her input, not desiring to get involved in another fight between the two… again.

"You guys have been getting all the good shit lately. Salv got a Shredifier."

"Dos, to be exact." The Gunzerker stated. Maya sighed, muttering a quiet "Not helping, Salvador."

"You, Maya, got that friggin' Hellfire."

"It's getting pretty dull in power lately." She replied.

"Zero found a Maggie!"

As he said this, Zero materialized behind Maya and Salvador, his ebony helmet once again shiny and not covered in some beast's remains.

"Luck is a virtue." The assassin said in his usual quiet tone.

"And Gaige somehow got a fucking Skullmasher from Doc Mercy!" He finished, lifting his arm to show Gaige now biting and chewing on his arm with a crazed look across her face. His outfit and shield, used to taking bullets like an umbrella in the rain, protected him against her teeth.

Maya crossed her arms in observation. "That Anarchy skill can really get her going, can't it."

"Her Anarchy stacks, and at full she gets crazy, then its time to run." Zero poetically stated. Maya and Salvador simply gazed at the psycho version of the young Mechromancer and nodded in agreement.

"It's about time I added an orange to my set. I've been stuck with the same damn pistol in my sidearm slot that we got from Claptrap's place!" He argued,, taking out the white rarity weapon and throwing it to the ground.

Maya couldn't help but to snicker at this. They knew Dahl pistols were only accurate at best, but everything else the military guns never really gave them a reason to grab one.

"FUCK YOU!"

Gaige swung her leg up and landed the hit right on Axton's forehead. It sent him reeling back, swing his arm and throwing Gaige to the ground. The soldier grabbed his face in pain, seething in anger. Finally, the Commando gave in and, clearly not thinking straight from being consumed in annoyance, said the words that defined death.

"Fine bitch! Let's duel for the damn thing!"

Gaige, lifting herself from the floor and shaking the dirt off her skirt, went from angry to delighted. She grinned evilly and immediately brought up her ECHO interface to accept Axton's challenge.

"Just don't come spazzing at me with your purse!" She taunted.

Maya could hardly believe the stupidity, Salvador roared in excitement, and Zero vanished. The Assassin knew full well what was about to take place.

Axton placed the UI card of his Striker into the gun slot for the Duel winnings. He had a plan to put this teenager into her place. He would throw two turrets at either side of her before throwing three slag bouncing betties. Once she has been weakened and slagged, he would finish her off with a swift shot to her chest with the Striker.

3…

Gaige holstered all her weapons, her hands were empty and she had not summoned Deathtrap to her side like everyone expected her to. Maya left Salvador to watch, and headed towards Zed's. The Siren knew already who was going to get their ass handed to them.

2…

Axton pulled back his arm with his Sabre turret in his grasp. He was going to keep this Legendary shotgun, and he was determined for it to finally be his first.

1…

The sound that signaled the duel to commence rang in their ECHOs. Axton tossed his turrets just as he planned, and both of the machines built themselves up on both sides of Gaige. He felt confident she had gone too insane to think clearly, and he pulled out his slag grenades.

The Mechromancer dived and rolled towards Axton, grasping hold of the Starter Pistol as she did. Before Axton even let go of the grenades, Gaige jumped back to her feet and held the gun at point blank range before the Dahl soldier.

She pulled the trigger, and the burst fire of bullets went in every random direction. Two went into the dirt, one went flying into the sky, another the customization station (causing it to explode) and then one single bullet penetrated Axton's toe.

And kill him instantly.

The Commando's shield lost capacity and his own health simply disappeared in a heartbeat, and within two seconds of the duel Gaige won flawlessly.

"ANARCHY!" She cried out in victory, shooting the gun into the night sky. "FOREVER!"

Two hours later, after Axton visited and received a brand new toe, he walked into the Crimson Raiders HQ in shame. He had almost finally earned a Legendary weapon, but he was too prideful to remember Gaige's god-like power with Anarchy.

Seeing how it was already late when the group had arrived, he realized everyone else had retired to their beds, th chorus of snorin already told him of this.

Today depressed him, so he decided sleep was an excellent idea.

He lazily tossed his equipment to the floor under his bed before shoving in his earplugs. Maya's snoring was atrocious.

Axton was about to fall unto the mattress before noticing a sizable lump underneath his covers. Reaching under, he felt the grip of an all too familiar Dahl pistol. Pulling it out, he was nearly about to chunk the worthless gun off the balcony… before catching sight of a slight change to his worn sidearm. He examined the words that were now etched into the side of the pistol along the chamber.

Anarchy Forever!

As he looked upon the marked useless weapon in his hands, noticing the heart and skull on both ends of the words, Axton couldn't help but to smile. He may not have been able to add a brand new Legendary to his collection, but he did get a good memory and lesson today.

Don't fuck with Anarchy Insane Gaige.


End file.
